Today is November 5, 2023, and it's also my birthday. What's interesting is that yesterday, after months of torment, I successfully received a job offer through the autumn recruitment. Although it's not from a so-called "big company," I don't really care.
So why am I writing this article? Actually, I'm not quite sure myself. I'm just curious. After receiving the offer, I didn't feel any excitement or fluctuations in my heart. It's not because I was already confident of getting it, nor because I thought the offer was not good enough. I'm genuinely puzzled by how calm I feel inside.
Today, I had meals with friends to celebrate my birthday. One at noon and another in the evening. After having a few drinks, I actually felt like crying. Although I managed to hold it back, I had a lot of things I wanted to say, but I didn't know what to say. In the end, all I could feel was "it's too difficult." I finally understood a bit. It's actually a sense of powerlessness, the powerlessness of a college student about to enter society.
I couldn't help but reminisce about my four years in college. To be honest, most of the time was spent in idleness (but according to Russell, I was happy). It wasn't until my sophomore year when I joined my advisor's studio and started learning front-end development and working on front-end projects. Then came the typical college experience of participating in competitions and gaining experience. Finally, I left my advisor's company and joined another company for an internship in my junior year, where I am still working.
To be honest, my front-end development skills are quite limited. Basically, during my time in the studio, we focused on project-based learning. We used whatever technologies were needed for the projects, including Uniapp's cloud development, which, as familiar friends may know, is quite mediocre. Later, at the internship company, the director set the technology stack as Vue2 + Antd1.7.8, an old component library that I don't even know if Alibaba still maintains. The rest is just what I learned on my own, such as developing mini-programs, TypeScript, Express, and so on. Overall, I may have touched on multiple aspects, but my understanding is limited to the basics.
During the autumn recruitment, I had a feeling of being overwhelmed by interviews. In the early stages, I would summarize the questions and think about answering techniques after each interview. However, in the later stages, after October, I don't think I recorded any interview experiences. In total, I probably had around twenty interviews, and the only conclusion I reached was that it's enough to just memorize the standard answers. They just want to hear what they want to hear (although some interviewers are more open-minded). For example, when an HR asks about your opinion on the 996 work schedule, you have to dehumanize yourself. When an interviewer asks how you learn front-end development, you have to confidently present the roadmap you've seen, fearing that the interviewer might think you're not professional. But as a recent graduate, especially someone like me who mainly learned through project-based learning, there are indeed gaps in some fundamental knowledge. This gave me some insight. In the interviews from late October to early November, I truly didn't care anymore. If I pass, I pass; if I don't, I don't. It's just that kind of mindset, and in the end, I got the offer. It made me deeply realize that luck accounts for 70% and ability accounts for 30%.
Today, this sense of powerlessness, after months of intense internship and interviews, erupted on the night after receiving the offer yesterday, on my birthday. As I walked on the street today, it was drizzling in Nanjing. When I got off the subway and returned home, my mind went blank, and tears welled up in my eyes unconsciously. I don't know where my future path lies, and to be honest, I don't even know if I will continue to work in front-end development in the coming years. But in reality, I do enjoy front-end development, and more than anything, I feel lost about the future.
Going back to the beginning, some classmates still advised me to try again, to secure the offer from the autumn recruitment and then try for a big company in the spring recruitment. But after careful consideration, what's the point of this fierce competition? Even if I eventually get into a big company, does it really change anything? We all know that it rarely does. Some things are determined from the moment we are born. If we are not born with them, we have to rely on luck. It's not something we can achieve through our efforts. Why do we have this idea of changing our fate by getting into a big company? Ultimately, it's just our inner dissatisfaction, feeling that we are not inferior to those from better schools or more outstanding individuals. We want to prove that we can be just as excellent. But my friend, if we spend our whole lives in this kind of comparison, won't it be exhausting?
Actually, I'm not sure what I really want, and I don't have any intention to discourage others from striving. As for myself, I don't want to mindlessly push myself anymore (I sincerely hope I can achieve this). If there is a direction that truly interests me, I will still pursue it, but I'm tired of pushing myself too hard.
As I write this, I'm not quite sure what I want to express, and I haven't organized my thoughts. Some things are just like that. You can't understand them just by wanting to. At least for now, I haven't figured it out.
In the end, it's highly likely that I will find myself through practice. See you in Wuhan next year.